Question:
A sister has asked to post this about her situation:
My adult son has left Islam completely now (was struggling with Islam since teens) and doesn’t keep much contact with his parents. He has minimal contact with his siblings.
His mother has contact but only if she initiates it.
He had a very difficult childhood and has possibly blamed Islam but also has made his choice firmly now.
What is the best way forward for the parents?’
Jazakhallah
Answer:
A gentle, patient, and deeply sincere approach is needed in situations like this. No matter how far a child may feel from Islam, he is still their son, and the bond between parent and child should never be treated as lost or hopeless. The door of Allah’s mercy remains open, and hearts can change in ways we could never predict. Click Here To Follow Our WhatsApp Channel
If the son struggled with Islam from a young age and also experienced a difficult childhood, then it is important to understand that his distancing may not only be intellectual, but emotional as well. Sometimes people associate religion with pain, fear, harshness, unresolved hurt, or experiences they never properly healed from. Whether those associations are fair or unfair, the pain still feels real to them.
For this reason, the priority right now should not be debating religion, correcting him constantly, or trying to force conversations about Islam. The priority should be rebuilding trust, safety, love, and emotional connection. When trust is broken or weakened over many years, it takes gentleness and consistency to restore it.
His mother maintaining contact, even when she is usually the one initiating it, is still valuable and meaningful. She should continue reaching out with warmth and sincerity, without making every interaction heavy or emotionally charged. Small acts of kindness often carry more weight than long lectures. A thoughtful message, asking how he is doing, sending food he likes, giving occasional gifts, remembering important occasions in his life, or simply showing concern without expectations can slowly soften the heart over time.
It is also very important that he does not feel every conversation is leading towards a confrontation about religion. If each interaction becomes a reminder of disappointment, guilt, or pressure, he may withdraw even further. Instead, let him experience mercy, patience, gentleness, and beautiful character from his parents. Sometimes people return to faith not because they were argued into it, but because they finally experienced Islam through compassion and sincerity.
The parents should also reflect honestly and humbly on the past where necessary. If mistakes were made during his upbringing, acknowledging them sincerely can be incredibly healing. Parents are human and imperfect, and a genuine apology or recognition of someone’s pain can open doors that years of argument never could. Many children carry wounds silently for years, and simply feeling heard, understood, and respected can begin repairing what was damaged.
The parents should avoid speaking about him with anger, humiliation, or despair. They should not cut him off emotionally, nor make him feel unloved because of his choices. Even when deeply hurt, a parent’s love and du‘ā should remain constant. Guidance belongs to Allah alone, and many hearts have changed after years or even decades.
At the same time, the parents should protect their own emotional and spiritual wellbeing. They should continue making sincere du‘ā for him regularly, especially in the quiet moments of the night, asking Allah to heal his heart, remove resentment, guide him gently, and reunite the family upon goodness and mercy.
Ultimately, what draws people back is often not harshness, but mercy. Not force, but trust. Not condemnation, but sincere love shown consistently over time.
May Allah heal old wounds, soften hearts, place mercy and understanding within this family, and guide their son back to what is best for him in this life and the next. Āmīn.
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