Our respected student from America, Mr. Ali Rasool, has asked the following:
Teacher, could you write some guidance for young men and women who intend to marry—explaining what Islam expects regarding marriage, and how we can offer better advice to the new generation?
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Answer
This is an extremely important, timely, and thought-provoking question. One of the great tragedies of our age is that the younger generation has either reduced marriage—a profound human and religious institution—to mere emotional attachment, or they have become apprehensive of it due to economic and social complexities.Click Here To Follow Our WhatsApp Channel
In such a climate, asking what guidance Islam provides regarding marriage—and what advice should be given to young men and women—is itself a sign of living social awareness and religious concern. What is needed is to rise above fleeting emotions, romanticised notions, and social display, and to understand marriage as a serious moral, spiritual, and civilisational institution. Only then can the new generation establish a balanced, enduring, and God-conscious family system.
From an Islamic perspective, marriage is not merely a private or personal relationship between two individuals; rather, it is a profound social, ethical, and spiritual institution. When young men and women think about marriage, they should realise that they are not simply entering a new relationship—they are laying the foundation for a new generation, a new family, and a new social unit.
Islam regards marriage as a means of stability, chastity, tranquillity, mercy, and social continuity. For this reason, nikāḥ is not just a legal contract—it is an act of worship, a responsibility, and a sacred covenant.
According to Islamic law, the validity of marriage requires the consent of both the man and the woman, expressed in the presence of witnesses. However, the concept of marriage in Islam cannot be reduced to a legal contract alone. In essence, it is a collective and social event, even though personal and emotional elements are also present.
Outwardly, the bride and groom appear to be the centre of the occasion, but in reality, the effects of marriage extend to both families—parents, siblings, relatives—and even to future generations. Marriage marks the beginning of a new chapter in the history of a family: a beginning that contains both continuity and renewal, tradition and reconstruction.
Marriage is generally regarded as a joyous occasion because it symbolises not merely the union of two individuals, but hope for human continuity, family preservation, and social stability. It represents a new beginning in family life and the opening of a new page in history.
To properly understand marriage in Islam, it is essential to consider three fundamental spheres:
- The relationship between husband and wife
- Their relationship with their future children and family
- Their relationship with their own parents and the extended family
Maintaining balance between rights and responsibilities across all three spheres is the true foundation of marital success. Neglecting one sphere while fulfilling another leads to imbalance—often resulting in domestic unrest and family breakdown.
All these rights and responsibilities derive their meaning from a person’s relationship with their Lord. What is required in marriage is required from a believer. Any tranquillity, love, or success in marriage is ultimately a manifestation of Allah’s grace and mercy.
Unfortunately, in societies influenced by modern Western thought, marriage is increasingly viewed as a purely private affair between two individuals. Individualism, personal gain, economic ambition, and social mobility have reinforced the notion that marriage is merely a stage in a couple’s personal journey. As a result, parents, family, and even children are often reduced to secondary importance.
This trend places excessive emphasis on romantic and physical aspects of marriage, leading young people to develop unrealistic expectations. They begin to assume that marriage will provide constant emotional fulfilment and uninterrupted happiness. But when real-life challenges arise—differences in temperament, financial pressures, and responsibilities—disappointment sets in.
At that point, one or both spouses may feel: “We are not happy” or “This relationship is not giving us what we expected.” Gradually, the foundations of loyalty, commitment, and patience weaken.
Islam corrects this misunderstanding. It teaches that marriage is not merely emotional attachment; it is responsibility, wisdom, patience, sacrifice, and continuous growth. The purpose of marriage is not just to receive love, but to sustain it.
A successful marriage is not built on the question, “What am I getting?” but rather, “What am I giving?”
Similarly, the home formed after marriage is not meant to be an isolated private world for the couple. It should be a place where parents and elders feel respected, included, and at peace. Islam grants the new generation the right to establish independent households, but it does not permit this independence to become neglect, indifference, or disrespect towards parents.
The Qur’an and Sunnah emphasise honouring parents, maintaining good relations with them, and even preserving ties with their friends after their passing. This clearly shows that, in Islam, marriage is fundamentally a social institution—not merely a personal experience.
However, combining continuity with change is not easy. The new generation moves forward with new priorities, while parents remain with their love, expectations, and experiences. Balancing these is difficult. Sometimes one goes too far; sometimes one falls short. Mistakes occur, followed by correction. This is the natural process of life.
Balance is not a rigid theoretical principle—it is a practical skill developed through time, experience, trials, and continuous refinement. The Qur’an refers to this as “ḥikmah bālighah” (mature wisdom).
Part of life’s beauty and test is that the future is unknown. Sustenance is uncertain, and the end of life is hidden. This uncertainty directs a person towards reliance on Allah, patience, and hope. As the Qur’an reminds us:
“Indeed, with hardship comes ease.”
Marriage is undoubtedly also a contract, and contracts have legal principles. Islamic law has clarified these to ensure justice in cases of dispute. However, what truly prevents marital conflict is not merely law, but wisdom—the ability to live with different personalities and circumstances in a balanced and sincere manner.
Marriage in Islam has multiple objectives—both personal and social—all rooted in one’s relationship with Allah. A believer must prioritise Allah’s commands throughout married life. Islam teaches that no obedience to creation is valid if it entails disobedience to the Creator.
At the same time, upholding truth must not be done with harshness, arrogance, or contempt. True wisdom lies in gentleness, patience, forgiveness, and sincere goodwill—seeking reconciliation where possible, being willing to forgive and ask forgiveness, and allowing time for people to change.
At times, one must endure repeatedly and manage relationships with quiet wisdom. This is the real test—and the true beauty—of married life.
Another major issue today is the overemphasis on material success. Social status, income, purchasing power, and professional achievement have become dominant priorities. As a result, both husband and wife often devote most of their energy outside the home, which affects their relationship—and most significantly—the upbringing of children.
Children learn from the environment of their home what love, sacrifice, loyalty, and responsibility mean. If one generation fails in this, the next begins to view marriage as unstable and temporary. Divorce becomes normal, and successful marriages become rare. In some societies, people even begin to question the necessity of marriage itself.
Islam seeks to break this cycle. That is why marriage is regarded as a foundational pillar of society. A Muslim is expected to treat marriage as one of the most important aspects of life—investing time, making sacrifices, exercising patience, and striving sincerely for its success.
The most important advice for young men and women is this:
Do not view marriage merely as a destination of love, but as a training ground for character.
Marriage teaches selflessness, humility, patience, and reliance upon Allah. A successful marriage is not one without disagreement, but one where respect remains despite differences, loyalty remains despite trials, and mercy remains despite weaknesses.
If the new generation realises that marriage is not merely a bond between two individuals but a dignified union of families, generations, and responsibilities, they will approach it with greater seriousness, wisdom, and dignity.
This is what Islam seeks: homes that are centres of love, tranquillity, nurturing, mercy, and God-consciousness—because strong families are the foundation of a strong Ummah and a righteous society.
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