I admit that the reality is this: over the past fifty years I have trained thousands of people, delivered millions of Qur’an lessons and sermons, and tried to improve others’ character — yet I could not improve my own character to the standard it should have been.
Even now, I do not have the patience I should have. I do not have the tolerance I should have. I get angry very quickly, become agitated, and then my tongue completely slips out of control.Click Here To Follow Our WhatsApp Channel
Just the other day is a clear example. A business deal was done with an organisation. Initially, the discussion continued through messages and calls. The person on the other side turned out to be Pakistani, so the communication shifted from English to Urdu.
Later in the evening, I went to their office, passing through central London. The discussion was put into writing and turned into a deal. They issued an invoice, and trusting them, I made the full payment immediately. They said I would receive the item the next day at eleven.
The next day, I started waiting from ten o’clock. When it did not arrive by eleven, I immediately called — their phone was switched off. My temper flared up, and negative thoughts began flooding my mind, mixed with abuse: Pakistanis are not trustworthy; why did I trust them; what a fool I am to fall for their sweet talk; like Hatim Tai, I kicked his grave and handed over such a large amount in one go.
A short while later, someone from their office called and said, “Sir, it will reach you within an hour.”
Even after an hour, it still did not arrive. I called again, and the poor man kept saying politely, “Sir, please give us just one more hour.”
Another hour passed. I called their other office; from there too I received the same soft and courteous response: “Sir, there has been a small administrative issue.”
That’s when I completely lost control. I called and messaged for the third and fourth time, hurling abuse and using words close to outright insults, saying, You Pakistanis are all the same — cheats, fraudsters.
During this time, I started searching for contacts and emails of the police, intelligence, and scam and fraud departments to teach them a lesson. I threatened them, saying that if this was not resolved within two hours, I would personally come to their office and report them to all the relevant departments — this is not Pakistan, this is Britain, where you can commit fraud so easily.
Those poor people, one after another, kept pleading, apologising, while I was raging like fire.
Eventually, within two hours, the item I had purchased was delivered, and I finally calmed down.
Later, I felt deep regret over my behaviour and my words. I kept seeking forgiveness from Allah through prayers, and I also apologised to those Pakistani people.
And once again I started thinking: the reality is that over the past fifty years I have trained thousands of people and worked on improving their character, yet I could not improve my own character to the level it should have been.
Even now, I lack the patience I should have. I lack the tolerance I should have. I get angry too quickly, become provoked, and then my tongue is no longer under control.
May Allah forgive me and continue to grant me the ability to constantly reform myself.
رَبَّنَا ظَلَمْنَا أَنفُسَنَا وَإِن لَّمْ تَغْفِرْ لَنَا وَتَرْحَمْنَا لَنَكُونَنَّ مِنَ الْخَاسِرِينَ”
“Our Lord, we have wronged ourselves, and if You do not forgive us and have mercy upon us, we will surely be among the losers.”
Writer of This Article is Shams Khan Uk
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